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Losing My Identity To Motherhood- More Than Just a Mama

Updated: Jan 19, 2021

When I signed up to motherhood I did not realise that I was terminating what I thought was a life long contract with myself. Somehow, motherhood has meant that at the very moment my daughter was born, I lost the very thing that was the most familiar to me - my identity. The beautiful notion of becoming a mother meant to everybody else (bar me) that I was only that - just a mama.

Motherhood had felt like both a blast and a burden. There I said it. I can admit that pre-children I had a warped perception, which led me to believe it would be all sunshine and unicorns and I left out all the hard bits. I doubted much would change.

I loved my children deeply, deeper than I had ever imagined, but feelings of my own uncertainty would bounce around in my head time and time again. I knew I had changed. I could hear the screams of my former self trying to come out, but she was suppressed. My identity was gone.

I played down the title of mum and tried to redeem my former self, tried to fit into my size 8 jeans, tried to go out for drinks after 10pm, tried to keep the same friendship circle, I tried to keep up - I was putting up a a tired fight.

After years of dissonance, finally came acceptance. It was evident that I had indeed changed. Motherhood is one of the biggest experiences of a woman’s life, both mentally and physically, so change is inevitable. What I deemed as a loss was actually a gain – a gain of kindness, patience and deep love. I have added to myself and I am still me. My identity was never lost I had just not accepted the new parts of me, gained through my motherhood journey.

Tips and takeaways

Remember who you wre pre-children and to seek challenges and experiences that you wanted to achieve before motherhood. Start that new art class, write that book and never forget your dreams and passions.

Carve out You time

Whetehr it be when the littles are asleep or when theyre at school. Take an hour or an afternoon (because you obvsuly desrve it) to do something you used to do. Swimming, tea wit friends, shopping (or yourelf), pamper day, adjust things in rde o cater to you as well as your little tribe.


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