by Shanice Hoo Mills
Motherhood is one journey no one can really prepare you for. It is something that is presented as the most adjourning and happiest job in the world.
Everyone I spoke to ahead of giving birth filled me with these expectations of constant joy and fields of gold. And my God were they wrong.
I do love my child but do I like being a mother all the time? No. And I say this honestly unapologetically.
Nearly, four years later and while trying to balance being an entrepreneur, my outlook as a mother isn’t so black and white.
There are moments where I really would just like to sit in
silence and look at the freshly painted walls without hearing a sound. However, this is a luxury that I don’t often get to experience.
Being a mother is no easy task both mentally and physically. It requires discipline, patience, understanding, and a lot of selflessness.
Now, don’t get me wrong, I absolutely love being a mother and yes, I do love my child but do I like being a mother all the time? No. And I say this honestly unapologetically.
If you had asked me this same question three years ago I would
have said yes under a crooked smile. Behind that smile I would be hiding tiredness, frustration, sadness and fatigue.
Being a mother is no easy task both mentally and physically. It requires discipline, patience, understanding, and a lot of selflessness. Something, no one actually prepared me for.
How can I be a productive and healthy mother to my daughter, if I am shrouded by absolute exasperation. It’s merely impossible.
Until one day, I had a brief encounter with a fellow mummy entrepreneur and she said "My God I love my children, but do I like being a mother all the time? Absolutely not, especially now they are teens, you just wait." I remember looking at her and admiring her bravery with being honest.
Everyone kept talking about how wonderful it was to be a mother but never spoke to me about finding balance and the need to place your mental wellbeing at the forefront of everything.
How can I be a productive and healthy mother to my daughter, if I am shrouded by absolute exasperation. It’s merely impossible.
Now, I’m not saying drop your kids off at every waking moment, but make it a priority to find time for you, without feeling guilty.
I deserve to have alone time, my wellbeing is important and it allows me to be a healthy parent to my child.
I say this from my own first hand experience. For such a long time I was so obsessed with getting it right and well due to my own childhood experiences, I made it an obligation that I would not leave my child with anyone unless it was absolutely necessary but honey it was.
I was literally burnt out and in tears. How did I let this go on for so long? Guilt. Guilt made me feel like I wasn’t allowed to enjoy myself and have some well deserved alone time.
Well, the moment I understood that I needed to let go of these chains, that held me to the helms of motherhood, I broke free.
I deserve to have alone time, my wellbeing is important and it allows me to be a healthy parent to my child. I often work long hours between running a startup business and a young child. It isn't always easy. I’d be lying if I haven't considered giving up plenty of times, but this is why finding that balance and taking a moment out for your wellbeing is important.
So, with that being said if you are struggling due to the bondages of guilt, let it go today! There is no right or wrong, but find a balance to suit your lifestyle.
Break free from these old ideals and rid yourself of guilt. A happy mother creates a healthy and happy environment for the child. Never forget that.
Shanice Hoo Mills is a mother of one and founder of Kallure Consulting, a London based communications agency.