The world of dating can be pretty awkward and confusing so will naturally come with both good and bad experiences. So much so that when I decided to take the plunge into dating (an anxious plunge might I add) I decided that at the least this would be a learning experience as well as helping to identify the type of man that I was seeking - now in my mid 30's with hopes that my choices had become better and evolved since my late 20's.
The journey has been, er, what's the best way to describe it - eventful. Highs and lows, awkward silences, strange men, really nice men, intellects, musicians - oh the list goes on - but my point here is that I served my time and learnt some valuable lesson's; lessons that I am now about to share - so here are some key pointers that may help you - my fellow single lady on the road to successful dating, when trying to find the one.
Date the 'maybes'- swiping can be an exhausting and extensive task. So instead of only swiping right on men that you think are exceptionally good looking and look like they tick all the right boxes, give the maybes a go too. That guy that you may be judging for superficial reasons could actually be a great person with many of the qualities you are looking for irl.
Do not put all your eggs in one wicker basket - when I started dating I would meet one guy, like him, fixate on him and then everything would go wrong. Get to know several guys at once. This will give you a more objective outlook and allow you to select based on quality and not quantity.
Go against your usual type - dating can be fun and a great way to find out what you really like. Dating a guy in a band could open you up to a new genre of music you may like or a guy who travels a lot may awaken the adventurer in you.
Short and effective first dates - coffee, brunch - keep it short and sweet. If you are really serious about finding a partner then you probably have to meet a few people, which means a good few dates, which adds up to umpteen hours (you get where Im going with this) grab a coffee in the morning, feel it out and then keep it moving. No time wasting getting ready in the evening for two hours, having to book a baby sitter only to find out he lied about his height and what was listed as 6’ was actually 5’2”
Do not indulge in too much dialogue - story time - the first guy I dated was a compete and utter mindfield. He messaged me everyday, during the course of the day and then called every other day for 3 weeks straight - ad tgen at the end of the month stated that he wanted to slow things down (yes - even though he was doing all the chasing) I was stumped and slightly annoyed at all the time I had invested and come to find out wasted in dialogue. Keep it simple and do not add any additional pressure. Things will be build up gradually if they’re meant to.
Be prepared for rejection - you're not going to like everybody you date so it's only natural that they may not like you. Rejection can be a hard pill to swallow, but is ultimately a big and necessary part of dating.
Watch out for the red flags - How have some of your relationships panned out over time? Any red flags that you dismissed only to find out a year or two down the line that that should of been your wake up call? Look out for signs of 'coming on too strong', inconsistency with contact, extreme jealousy, control, flakiness, or not respecting your boundaries’.
Too many opinions can ruin the outcome - It certainly is great to have a chat with your girlfriends about your new love interest, but sometimes telling too many people and having too many opinions weigh in can confuse the process. Remember you are dating the person and things shouldn’t be determined by your friends likes, dislikes and experiences - granted its great gaining advice but be mindful of the advice you are receiving and why.