How honest have you been about your motherhood journey? Do you keep the dark thoughts to yourself or are you an open book? Its has taken over ten years for me to learn that speaking my truth can do wonders for my mental health and also helps others too.
Here goes...motherhood has been both a blast and a burden. There I said it. I had a warped perception which led me to believe it would be all sunshine and unicorns and I left out all the hard bits and now i'm ready to share my motherhood honesty. When I signed up for motherhood I never realised that I was terminating a contract with myself. Somehow motherhood has meant that at the very moment my daughter popped out of me, I lost the very thing that was the most familiar to me - my identity.
Motherhood for me, however blissful it may seem at times, has been a journey filled with unexpected twists and turns. It's taken me over a decade to realise the importance of speaking my truth about the highs and lows of motherhood, not just for my own mental health but also to offer solace and support to others who might be facing similar struggles.
When I embarked on this journey, I harboured idealised notions of what motherhood would entail. I envisioned endless moments of joy and fulfilment, conveniently glossing over the challenges and sacrifices that would inevitably come my way. However, reality had other plans for me.
The moment my daughter entered the world, I found myself grappling with a profound loss – not of love or connection, but of my sense of self. It felt as though I had unwittingly signed away a piece of my identity, relegating myself to the singular role of "mother" in the eyes of society. Yet, amidst the chaos of diapers and sleepless nights, I struggled to reconcile this newfound identity with the person I once was.
The beautiful notion of becoming a mother meant to everybody else (bar me) that I was only that. I played with the title of mum and tried to redeem my former self, tried to continue the same lifestyle, keep the same friendship circle, I tried to keep up, but I was putting up a tired fight.
I could hear the screams of my former self trying to come out, but she was suppressed. My identity was gone. After a failed fight and acceptance, it was evident that I had indeed changed.
Motherhood is primarily one of the biggest experience of a woman’s life, both mentally and physically – so change is inevitable. What I deemed as a loss was actually a gain – a gain of kindness, patience and love. I have added to myself and I am still me. My identity was never lost, I had not accepted the new parts of me, gained through my motherhood journey.
I attempted to cling to remnants of my former self, desperately trying to maintain the same lifestyle and friendships I had before motherhood. But no matter how hard I fought, the reality remained unchanged – I was irrevocably transformed. It was a bitter pill to swallow, but with acceptance came understanding.
In hindsight, I've come to realise that the changes wrought by motherhood were not a loss, but a profound gain. Each sleepless night and every sacrifice made has shaped me into a person imbued with newfound kindness, patience, and love. I've evolved, not despite motherhood, but because of it.
For those navigating similar waters, I offer these humble tips gleaned from my own journey:
Firstly, remember that you are more than just a mother. Take time to nurture your own passions and dreams, for they are what make you unique. Whether it's pursuing a hobby or indulging in self-care, prioritise activities that bring you joy and fulfilment.
Secondly, carve out time for yourself amidst the chaos of motherhood. Whether it's stealing a quiet moment during nap time or scheduling a regular outing with friends, make self-care a non-negotiable part of your routine. Remember, you deserve to be cared for just as much as your little ones.
Tips and takeaways: Remember who you were pre children:
Take time to add to you. Continue to seek challenges and experiences that you wanted to achieve before motherhood. Start that new art class, write that book and never forget your dreams and passions.
Embrace Imperfection: Recognise that perfection is an unattainable standard. Allow yourself grace and forgiveness for moments of perceived failure or inadequacy. Imperfections are part of the journey and can foster resilience and growth.
Seek Support: Build a network of support consisting of friends, family, or support groups who understand the challenges of motherhood. Don't hesitate to reach out for help when needed, as sharing burdens can lighten the load and foster a sense of community.
Practice Self-Compassion: Be kind to yourself amidst the chaos of motherhood. Treat yourself with the same compassion and understanding that you would offer to a close friend facing similar challenges. Remember that self-care is not selfish but essential for your well-being.
Prioritise Boundaries: Establish clear boundaries to protect your time, energy, and mental health. Learn to say no to commitments or requests that overwhelm you and prioritize activities that align with your values and priorities.
Celebrate Milestones: Acknowledge and celebrate both small and significant milestones in your motherhood journey. Whether it's your child's first steps or your own personal achievements, take time to reflect on and savour these moments of growth and progress.
Cultivate Gratitude: Practice gratitude as a daily habit, focusing on the blessings and joys that motherhood brings. Cultivating a mindset of gratitude can shift your perspective and foster resilience, even during challenging times.
Carve out You time: Whether it be when the littles are asleep or when they're at school. Take an hour or an afternoon (because you obviously deserve it) to do something you used to do. Swimming, tea with friends, shopping (for yourself), pamper day - adjust things in order to cater to yourself as well as your little tribe.
In conclusion, while my journey through motherhood has been far from perfect, it has been undeniably transformative. By embracing the highs and lows with honesty and openness, I've not only found solace for myself but also forged connections with others traveling a similar path. And in the end, isn't that what motherhood is truly about – finding strength in vulnerability and sharing the journey with those who understand?